A personal journal.

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My name is james, I'm just here to write. Things weigh on my chest and I just want a way to get them off.
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entry added: 01.06.2021, 22:29

entry added: 12.30.2020, 20:22

entry added: 12.15.2020, 19:54

entry added: 12.12.2020, 02:20

entry added: 12.11.2020, 03:42

entry added: 12.10.2020, 03:47

entry added: 12.10.2020, 01:55

entry added: 12.09.2020, 01:25

. . .

010. Just, writing.

My entries haven't been daily lately, my bad. I really need to keep up with this stuff, I started it for a purpose. While I love neocities and its customization, I wish there was a way I could just type an entry and hit enter rather than having to recode for every entry! I don't mind too terribly, but sometimes I just don't have the energy sometimes.

On that note, Today sucked for the world. Unrelated, my wifi has been nonstop cutting out and its upsetting because I have schoolwork to do, and when I'm enjoying downtime I keep disconnecting from my friends. They tried to fix it today, and it was fixed for about an hour before returning to its bullshit. Oh well! Last night I raided with my friends in final fantasy XIV and nearly cleared e9s, which I am excited to do. I'm losing energy writing this... I'll just end it there. I'm tired.

bgc | 2021년 01월 06일

009. Free from Vacation.

That's been a big gap inbetween entries, but as I mentioned I was in Colorado! I had no real wifi and I definitely couldn't use a computer- I only had my phone and its data, and I refuse to write another mobile entry especially now that my archive is up and working.

Colorado was nice, a bit stressful as holidays with families can be but I guess it was good in the long run. I got to see old pets, and it was good seeing my mom and stepdad for the first time in over a year. My grandma gave me essential oils, which was weird but it was her way of wanting to help. I'm so fucking glad to be home. I missed my dogs and my founnd family. And my computer.

I drew some cursed stuff on the phone with my friends and now I'm going to play apex after I finish this entry. I don't want to think about upcoming school dates but you know, they're coming and soon. Only a few days free in the comfort of my own home... ugh. Oh well! I'll enjoy it to the best of my ability.

Going through airports wasn't fun, so its especially nice being home. One interesting thing is I keep panting and being heavy-breathed because the air I breathed in Colorado was a lot thinner than the air at home, so now that I'm in a heavy air environment at a lower altitude again its so much and so heavy. I hope that fixes itself within a day or two, its annoying. That's all I want to say tonight I think, I want to go play videogames and relax.

bgc | 2020년 12월 30일

008. Busy, busy, busy...

Today's entry is pretty spaced out- I've been super busy lately ugghhhh.

I'm finishing my last final tonight, and tomorrow morning I'm in airports and planes for 12 hours straight.

I'm really exhausted but I hope going to Colorado will be nice. I'm going to miss my house for two weeks and the people in it but I'll be okay. I've been playing a lot of Apex Legends [cringe, yeah] and it's really fun. It has this... hold on me. I want to play other games so bad but I just keep going back to Apex. Luckily I'm getting taken away from my PC for two weeks! I've gotten really attatched to my main, Bloodhound. They're a really cool character and I think I love them more than a little bit.

I'm tired even writing this so I'm going to go back to enjoying my last few hours of leisure time. I hope you're doing well if you're reading this.

bgc | 2020년 12월 15일

007. Gaming, I guess.

Today's been alright.

I played a lot of rocket league, which isn't my usual type of game but it was really funny and pretty fun to play. I have a friend who plays, so we got to play together. It was a good time, and as of right now I'm downloading apex legends like some kind of animal. This is very much not my usual type of time-passing, but something happened to me I guess. The game is finishing downloading now and It's almost done installing, so for now I'm listening to my friends play. I'm so excited, even if it's a bit childish or dare I say cringe.

I emailed a bunch of professors today and discussed dropping from my program and resuming once I feel I'm academically able to, and they were understanding and helped a lot. That was stressful, but I'm trying to enjoy my time before I go to colorado and end the semester. No more school talk for a few weeks after the 15th. Just a few more days... Oh well. Apex is about to finish installing- so I'm going to go try to learn how to play. Thanks for reading.

bgc | 2020년 12월 12일

006. Mobile Entry...

You'll have to forgive me for the ugliness of tonight's entry. I meant to write before I got off of my computer, but I forgot and I'm already in bed.

Today sucked royally but looking at the positives- I got some answers about where I'm going to go from here in terms of school, I fixed a mod I made for a game, I downloaded a new game to try tomorrow if I'm up to it.

I just realized as I'm updating my sidebar entry log again- I always seem to write in the early early AM hours. My insomnia is showing, haha. I should really try to journal in the day, but writing is a nice and therapeutic way to unwind when it's really late and I don't know what to do.

I think I'll stop here for now because writing on my phone is super inconvenient for me and I'm tired of fixing all my typos. Goodnight.

bgc unreachable atm | 2020년 12월 11일

005. REALLY good surprise!

I wrote my last entry and I planned to go to bed after the fact, but I got a message from someone, BNA. BNA is an artist I look up to immensely, and someone I've hung out with once or twice. I have always considered us kind-of-friends, as in I wanted to be her friend and I assumed her as mine, but I wasn't sure she viewed me as friendly.

Though as I was about to log off, sure enough after 2 months without talking, BNA messages me! That alone is exciting, but beyond that she bombarded me with a stock of gift art she'd had for me apparently, sending me a handful of drawings of my beloved original character, Robb. I had to go a little crazy in the messages of some friends before I could calm down and give BNA a proper response, which was pure delight.

BNA and I caught up a bit and she showed me some art she'd been workin on since we last talked, and she called me her friend which really was such a happy thing for me because I had worried she thought me as annoying or inconvenient. She seemed happy to talk and it made me really happy! I'm an artist as well, and BNA as someone I look up to actually quite enjoys my art as well [which is an honor!]. We talked about life and how I haven't drawn because of college keeping me on my toes, and she ended up talking about my art and called it "precious and beautiful" which really tugs the heart strings. BNA suggested we draw together again sometime and I absolutely agree, it'd be so fun! Then she went to bed, and now I'm calming down so I can do the same. What a wonderful thing before bed! Goodnight, everyone.

bgc | 2020년 12월 10일