I expected today to be a bit horrible waking up, but it actually went well. I was still undecided on if I should go to my doomed lecture or not, but I woke up and ecided to go on my phone. I fell asleep during it though, oops...

After I woke up again and ended class, I decided to finally start watching the anime Soul Eater, a lot of my friends like it and I've been seeing a lot of people talking about it lately so I'd been wanting to start it. Starting new stuff takes so much energy out of me usually, so I sort of have to be prodded into doing so or begged but today I actually found my own energy and decided to just crack it open. I'm liking it a lot so far.

Once I got tired of Soul Eater, I got to hang out with KL again. It was really fun, he showed me two new fights in Final Fantasy XIV and it was crazy fun.

I shockingly had a LOT of energy today.

After hanging out with KL, I still found myself with enough energy to do things so I finally picked up something I've been meaning to for years now - learning Japanese. I tried it once wayyy back when I first learned Korean, and I ended up sabotaging my own learning because of the two coexisting at once. Now that I'm no longer learning another language currently, I decided to try again with Japanese and it's incredibly easier.

That's one of my talents or, a fun fact about me I guess. I'm very talented at learning languages and I learn very fast and easily. I speak them very naturally as well, I used to think I should not let that talent go to waste and be a translator, but that's not what I want to do. Funny enough, I'm not even doing what really makes me happy now. I'm a dead-end, burned-out, too-stupid engineering major. Rather than do something that makes me happy, I went with the route of 'I'm good at it, so let's make money off it'. What a joke this pandemic has made out of me, I can't focus online and I don't have the self-discipline or mental health level to be able to manage classes at home.

There I go again starting my stress talk about college. There's my sign to end the entry. I hope you all had a good day today, too.

Today started off a little void and frustrating, but it picked up quickly.

I played more of the new content in Final Fantasy XIV, I got to show my friend ZL and my friend NC. Most importantly, I got to show my best friend KL. I message KL every day of course, we talk all the time, but in the now 4 years I've known him, we've only ever called about as many times. I recall 3 before today, 4 now. It's so good to me on the phone with him, KL really makes me a type of happy and comfortable that I can't seem to find anywhere else.

It's refreshing to have his company.

I love KL, he really is my best friend. KL and RM both make me feel really special- RM is a part-time irl friend, mainly online friend. I miss hanging out with him, I want to see him before I go to colorado in a week now, but I doubt that- especially with new stay at home orders for us here.

Oh well! I'm not a high maintenance person, just a hello every once in a while through discord keeps me happy.

...

It's 1:20am as I'm writing this, and I really don't know if I should force myself to sleep because I'm supposed to have lecture tomorow or not... I should go, yeah, but my academic situation's a little fucked up right now. I don't really have a chance at passing after doing the math religiously for days on end, but still I try to hold onto a grain of hope that maybe I can do it. Ugh, I don't want to start thinking about it again haha. Let's end this entry here then. It was a good day. KL, if you're reading this, thank you.

As predicted, I didn't sleep.

That's ok though. Instead of sitting here null, I ended up making myself talk to a dear friend and we played the new content in Final Fantasy XIV together. It was really fun, actually. TD [my friend] is always a joy to spend time with- she's finnish.

The new content was fun, I kind of went a little crazy since I haven't gotten to play new content in over a year since I took a long break at the end of 2019/beginning of 2020. It's so fun figuring out mechanics of fights completely blind. I also farmed some ingame currency with TD so we could buy these new cosmetic wings.

It really was nice.

I wasn't sure if I should sleep or nap or just stay up, since I'm not tired. I think now though that I want to stay up. Maybe I'll make some breakfast and watch a show I like. It's been a long time since I've been fully concious at 7am.

Let's try this.

Nothing really does it for me anymore in term of the way I talk. I feel very estranged from myself, so I figured making a site for me and only me would help. I quite think I'm taking a liking to it already.

It feels pretty natural, I used to journal here on another neocities site but I stopped because I simply forgot.

Today was very void. I felt like static, but it was ok. Final Fantasy XIV is on maintenance but I believe that's due to be finished in about 30 minutes or so. My roommate will probably be up for the next however-many-hours he can bare to stay up for. I hope that he has fun. Me, I'm pretty sure I'll just be sitting here staring at my screen trying to still even then figure out what to do with myself.